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Zoe Younger

~ Life Changing Journeys, Life changing Love

Zoe Younger

Tag Archives: friends

Apologies for going Missing in Action…

05 Thursday May 2016

Posted by Zoetic Words in LIFE, LOVE, MY BOOKS, SHATTERED, THE WRITERS' LIFE, TORN

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"North and South", books, courage, Elizabeth Gaskell, friends, goals, Irish Australians, John Thornton, LIFE, loss, LOVE, Margaret Hale., Relationships, Richard Armitage, sailing, Survivors, thriver, victim, writing

Retirement crisis concept as a couple of adirondack chairs sinking in the ocean during a thunder storm as a metaphor for financial investment problems for retiring seniors who lost their savings or broken dreams symbol.

My humble apologies for neglecting you, my friends. Life has been all go and not much stop recently. Now, though, it’s time to get back into routine.

My work on “Shattered” has slowed to a crawl. This is Rosaleen’s story, a redemption story. She and Mary from “Torn” were childhood friends and I’m sorry to say that the Rosaleen of “Torn” was not the friend Mary knew back when. She had always wanted more… more money, more things, a higher position in social circles and she thought she had it all, until “Torn”. Now she must start again, from the bottom; and when I say from the bottom I mean much further and she’d have to dig!

I’m sorry to say that Rosaleen died in the first iteration of “Torn”. She died in childbirth. She was swept off the ship en route to Australia. She was left behind in Africa. What I didn’t do to try to kill her off is hardly worth mentioning but – she survived. She always was a survivor. If there is one thing that stands out from counselling, it is that the victims are dead. The fact that one is a live makes one a Survivor. But, don’t be content to merely survive, make sure you go on to thrive.

Survivors are the backbone of my writing. I admire and look up to people who have not just survived but who go on to thrive. Those who pick themselves up by their own bootlaces and head onward and upward.

Who are your inspirational literary thrivers? One who was in part the inspiration for “Torn” was Elizabeth Gaskell’s John Thornton from “North and South”. For those of you who have not read this book or seen the miniseries where Richard Armitage does a very memorable job of playing “Go where you will… the name of John Thornton of Milton is know and respected amongst all men of business…”. From childhood poverty after his father’s suicide he paid his father’s debts AND raised himself and his family to fame not “in England only, but in Europe…” as his mother proudly declares. To be bankrupted himself, lose everything and yet not afraid to begin again.

Of course, beside him he had the resilient Margaret Hale, survivor of much family heartache and tragedy. Surviving and Thriving are always so much better when  you are not alone.

So, I’ve told you mine, now please, tell me about one of your inspirational literary heroes?

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Thank You Thursday

27 Thursday Aug 2015

Posted by Zoetic Words in FRIENDSHIP, LIFE, LOVE

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family, friends, Thanks

Happy lazy dog English Bulldog on a leather armchair sofa

Well, my little pity party is officially over for now but there are lots of people I want to thank for their support over the last little while. There are too many to mention everybody’s names but if you were one who gave me a hug and/or some encouraging words this is for you.

Thanks to Simone McKinnon who was for years a wonderful wise woman, fantastic friend, marvellous mentor, my sounding board, my walking and swimming buddy who dragged me out into the sunshine literally and figuratively. I wish you could have seen your book published. I will never forget you.

Thanks to my family who rallied around and took on the jobs that threatened to overwhelm us. It was good to see you all even though it was a sad occasion, you made it a fitting tribute to our mother, the heart of our family.

To my writing family, thanks for a wonderful conference. I was able to immerse myself and forget my woes for three days. They say that friends are the family you choose for yourself. Well, your kind words, encouragement and hugs warmed my heart and got me through my darkest hours with at least a little of my sanity intact.

To my employers who have been so supportive, sent such lovely flowers and gave me the time I needed. I owe you.

Special mention to Sylvia. I will be holding my breath while I wait for the news on Monday that you are safely through your surgery.

To my special friends Mary and Cass, I hope I can be as good for others as you are to me.

And last but never least, my dear husband and his other girl (the small dark exotic in her winter coat) thanks for everything. It’s really great to be home.

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This one’s for Mary.

16 Thursday Jul 2015

Posted by Zoetic Words in FRIENDSHIP, LIFE, LOVE, POETRY

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

friends, only ones left, Tea

Tea
FRIENDSHIP

Anon

Two old ladies, we sit down to tea
I’m eighty-four and she’s eighty-three
I hate her and she hates me
But we’re the only ones left you see.

We meet every Wednesday at half-past three,
I go to her, then she comes to me.
I bore her and she bores me
But we’re the only ones left you see.

She talks of Henry and I of Fred
And all the things they did and said,
We both tell lies and never agree,
But we’re the only ones left you see.

She boasts of the party at Number Three
When Fred kissed her instead of me.
I wear his ring, so it’s plain to see
Why I hate her and she hates me.

Never trust your best friend, they say,
And I don’t trust her to, not to this day,
But the rest are gone – so we’ll pour some tea
For we’re the only ones left you see…

I’ve not found out who this particular “Anon” is. If you know, please tell me. One of our elderly “North Pine Bush Poets” performs this so well, I always hear Mary’s voice when I read it.

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Good Friends are Family

07 Sunday Jun 2015

Posted by Zoetic Words in LIFE, LOVE, THE WRITERS' LIFE, TORN

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caring, contiguous, family, friends, loving

striped kittens sleeping together

Family and friends. Sometimes they are one and the same. Sometimes your friends become your family and sometimes family become your friends. It doesn’t matter whether they are blood related or not, family and/or friends are necessary for our mental health, in good times and in bad.

What makes a friend as dear to you as family? Simply put, it’s love. Even though they may not live close enough to be with them as often as you would wish, you know they care. They are there for you when you need them most whether in person or on the phone; when you just want to enjoy some relaxation with someone you can ‘let down your hair’ with, be yourself with, you want to be with them – contiguous; when you can make a fool of yourself-or spill the entire contents of your coffee mug-you know it’s okay, you don’t feel as if you’ve ruined your friendship by being a klutz.

But that’s only half of the story, or it should be. There’s an old saying, “to have a friend you have to be a friend”. That means that when your friend needs you, you have no hesitation, you want to be there for them. There’s nowhere else you would rather be but there with them while they work through whatever their pain or problem is. Even if you can’t do a thing to help, you want to be there, sit quietly and listen, make a cup of tea or coffee,  or whatever it is they like best to comfort them. You want to do a load of washing, cook a meal, do some chores which will free them up when they need it.

What a lonely world this would be without family and friends. Moving from your home to the other side of the world would be so much harder if you had neither family or friends. In Torn Mary finds new friends along the way, friends who become her family. A friend she expected to be as close to her as family turned out not to be the person she thought she was, well, at least not in Torn. And, those she didn’t expect to like as friends in the beginning became her family.

Today I’m feeling blessed that I have both family and friends whom I love dearly. Family who are friends and friends who are family and I want to thank you all for being there for me recently. I hope I can return the favour though hopefully you won’t need me for quite the same reasons as I needed you recently.

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The Gathering of the Clans

26 Tuesday May 2015

Posted by Zoetic Words in LIFE, LOVE, MY BOOKS, THE WRITERS' LIFE, TORN

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Tags

empathy, families, friends, funerals, gratitude, loved ones, sympathy, weddings

Thank You Word Cloud printed on colorful  paper different languages

Weddings and funerals, times at which we all gather together to celebrate either the beginning of a new family or the life of a loved one who has passed away. There is such comfort to be had in the company of loved ones and the good wishes of friends, fellow writers and work colleagues. I am blessed with good friends and a large loving family. Everybody has been very supportive and kind after the recent passing of my uncle and my nephew.

Not everyone is so blessed. In the time of the Great Famine, the period in which I have lived for a couple of years while researching and writing my books. Back then there were so many in the same situation. We in our comfortable homes and lifestyles can sympathise but can we really appreciate the suffering of people elsewhere who do not have the good fortune to live in such affluence?

Going back in history can teach us many lessons should we wish to learn. How many of us have had to sell the clothes off our back for food to eat? Then to have a severe winter in which those clothes made the difference between living and dying of exposure. How many of us have had to go without so our husband, wife or children could have food to eat? How many of us have lost every one of our family members and had to go on alone?

Sympathy and empathy are each valuable qualities for each of us to develop. More valuable still is a smile and a helping hand to those in need. When we think our problems are overwhelming, there is always somebody worse off and we usually don’t have to look far.

Thank you for all your kind thoughts and expressions of sympathy and empathy. I shall treasure them in the coming days.

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Moody Monday

25 Monday May 2015

Posted by Zoetic Words in LIFE, LOVE, MY BOOKS, THE WRITERS' LIFE, TORN

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Tags

family, friends, funeral, keening, mourning, remembering

Woman wearing top hat with green tulle and flowers

Every day is a new day, a new chance to find happiness. I need to keep telling myself that. Today, I choose my mood to be grateful for what I have, thankful for the love offered to me and hopeful for the future.

Yes, I know. I’m more than a couple of degrees less cheerful than last Moody Monday. But, I have been blessed to know the love of so many family and friends, the kindness of even strangers in a time of loss, and I’ve much to look forward to.

Funerals are times of such heightened and mixed emotions and moods. Sober. Sombre. Sad. Bittersweet. I both dread and look forward to gathering together with those who also knew and loved my nephew, sometime soon.

Writing the funeral in Torn was heart wrenching. There are so many ways of mourning. There’s ‘keening’, the sound of a heart breaking. One dictionary describes it as “a wailing lament for the dead“. How quickly we can, at least publicly, move past keening, to talking about happier times is as individual as every human being.

Today I want to look forward as much as back. As the little ones grow up and become adults, I can remind them of those lost. Where their memories are vague and fading, I can honour those gone by telling stories about them, keeping their memories alive in my heart.

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Just Do the Best You Can

01 Friday May 2015

Posted by Zoetic Words in LIFE, LOVE, POETRY

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Tags

family, friends, LIFE, Love and Friendship

Listening to the words you speak, hearing the break of your heart
Feeling so helpless and useless to fix anything for my part
I sit down to see if a new day can show me one thing I can do
To help you, to ease that there burden and show you how much I love you

But all I can do now is listen, the most I can do now is care
And let you know for now, as ever, for my friend I’ll always be there
I made up my mind many years ago, a decision that gives my heart rest
Whatever the worst situation, the most I can do is my best

I’ll research the best information, take as much time as I really can
Ask whomever I think just might help me, not rest until I understand
Take a deep breath and make my decision, plan and work then to make it succeed
Then at night when I sleep I’ll feel easy, know I did my best, word and deed.

Some days my best isn’t good enough, sometimes there is naught I can do
Some problems don’t have a solution and at times I do things that I rue
I’m human and that means imperfect and I make mistakes like the rest
Some days I’m down and need help too, those days I can just do my best

I trust though that you will forgive me on days when I let you down
Because you too are always forgiven when you are the one who’s the clown
For your problems I can’t know the answers I can listen and show how I care
You can count on my understanding – when you need I can hug like a bear

I can offer my ears and my heart and if there’s anything else I can do
You can count on me – I’m here to help you, to see that you always pull through
Some problems, alas, are your own though and some I must carry myself
We can listen and help one another but our best we must do by our self

No matter how much I would wish it I can’t make your cares go away
Your load you must bear for yourself dear, just do your best for today.

© Zoe Younger 2007

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